Difficult

We've been very busy the past couple of weeks, and I find it's getting more and more difficult to make time for updating this blog. It's also difficult to find the right words to express how things are really going.

In the Book of Mormon there is an account told about a man named Lehi and his family. Lehi was a prophet in Jerusalem, and he was warned in a dream to take his family and flee into the wilderness. God promised to lead them to a better land, and to help them find the way He provided a small, curious "compass" called the Liahona. The Liahona only worked if the family was acting righteously and being faithful. If they allowed contention and pride into their hearts, the Liahona stopped pointing the way. Hundreds of years later, a descendant of Lehi was teaching one of his sons a lesson about their ancestors' experiences with the Liahona, and this is what he said:

And now, my son, I have somewhat to say concerning the thing which our fathers call a ball, or director—or our fathers called it ^aLiahona, which is, being interpreted, a compass; and the Lord prepared it.

And behold, there cannot any man work after the manner of so curious a workmanship. And behold, it was prepared to show unto our fathers the course which they should travel in the wilderness.

And it did work for them according to their ^afaith in God; therefore, if they had faith to believe that God could cause that those spindles should point the way they should go, behold, it was done; therefore they had this miracle, and also many other miracles wrought by the power of God, day by day.

Nevertheless, because those miracles were worked by ^asmall means it did show unto them marvelous works. They were ^bslothful, and forgot to exercise their faith and diligence and then those marvelous works ceased, and they did not progress in their journey;

Therefore, they tarried in the wilderness, or did ^anot travel a direct course, and were afflicted with hunger and thirst, because of their transgressions.

And now, my son, I would that ye should understand that these things are not without a ^ashadow; for as our fathers were slothful to give heed to this compass (now these things were temporal) they did not prosper; even so it is with things which are spiritual.

For behold, it is as easy to give heed to the ^aword of Christ, which will point to you a straight course to eternal bliss, as it was for our fathers to give heed to this compass, which would point unto them a straight course to the promised land.

And now I say, is there not a ^atype in this thing? For just as surely as this director did bring our fathers, by following its course, to the promised land, shall the words of Christ, if we follow their course, carry us beyond this vale of sorrow into a far better land of promise.

O my son, do not let us be ^aslothful because of the ^beasiness of the ^cway; for so was it with our fathers; for so was it prepared for them, that if they would ^dlook they might ^elive; even so it is with us. The way is prepared, and if we will look we may live forever.

When everything happened this summer, it was suddenly much easier for me to look to God. I had hours and hours of time just sitting in hospital rooms, and I filled those hours with prayer, scripture study, and reading the words of modern-day prophets. I never once felt the desire to "waste time" by playing games on my phone or computer (which is something I've always struggled with). And that continued for a time after we all came back home -- it was wonderful! But then...I became "slothful" and "forgot to exercise [my] faith and diligence," and things became more difficult. The miracles that had been coming so frequently slowed down. The time I cherished with each member of my family gradually began to be filled with less important things. Maybe some people would say, "Life went back to normal." But I don't want that to be my "normal"! I want to stay close to God and to my family! And I know it's possible if I will just continue to make those personal choices and put in the effort to "give heed to the word of Christ".

In my prayers now, my pleas for more healing for my Ryan are less frequent, less urgent. I've adapted to the attitude expressed by most of the medical professionals we consult with, "The healing will be very slow, and we just have to give it time." And maybe that is the case, but I still believe that with God, all things are possible! I still believe that if it is God's will, Ryan can be healed sooner than anyone expects. So I ask you to join with me in increasing your prayers for Ryan. Please continue to petition God for miracles, so that Ryan's mental faculties may increase, that his balance and strength may improve, and that he may be able to return to driving and to work soon, according to God's will.

As a family, we are also striving to be more faithful and diligent. One of our big areas of focus is removing anger and contention from our hearts and home. How easy it is to get mad when little things don't go our way (like when my phone falls behind the dryer...). But what good does getting mad do? NONE! How easy it is to become impatient with our children...but what does my impatience teach them? Only to be more impatient, which definitely isn't helpful! Another thing we are focusing on is making our house a house of order. We are working towards getting rid of all of the extra "stuff" that we don't need, and putting everything in its place so that it can be found when needed. It's going to be a LONG process...but we are working on it a little each day. And we are so thankful for all of the help we've been given from family with putting our house in order!

Over the past week, Ryan developed another infection, which set him back mentally and physically again. He met with a gastroenterologist, who deemed it necessary for Ryan to have an endoscopy and a colonoscopy to check for ulcers and other things. He also ordered a whole bunch of blood tests, which will hopefully be helpful in diagnosing what is going on. Later this week we will meet with the sleep specialist to get the results of Ryan's second sleep study. And the injection that Ryan had in that faux-joint in his back has helped some, which is promising! I'll try to be better at posting updates as we learn more! ;)

God is wonderful, and I hope you all have a great rest of the week!